Sacred Pauses

As I was going over my google calendar for this week, I knew it was a going to be a busy one, probably the most busy thus far! The school year is in full swing, it's first week of October and I have new commitments that I am stepping into. I have enjoyed my freedom to say "Yes" to many things I could not do as a mom with little ones still at home. So, needless to say, my calendar is even more busy than before! Yesterday I was pondering the challenge of living within the confines of a day...twenty four hours...and not moving so far ahead in my thoughts and plans. One way to do be mindful of this is what I am calling a "sacred pause" or in terms we all can relate to, a stop sign in the middle of the road, or hitting pause on the radio when it's going full blast! 
This is how my busy week began...waking up to a sick kid and a car going into the shop for servicing. This definitely puts a pause in your day, like it or not!

Well, it's day two and my child is still sick and my car had to spend the night in the shop...Here is a bit of the revelation I am having during this pause:

I am pretty good at this dance called scheduling. I pride myself in my calendering abilities, I have a wonderful system on my smart phone, synced  with my husband to avoid double booking. I get stuff done! When my phone chimes to remind me of my next task, I smile a knowing smile, because I am already a step ahead. To some it probably looks a bit like perfection, but I know... it's just being a "good planner"! Today, I kinda felt like that girl in the movies, who is dancing alone in a field, doing all the right moves with her make-believe partner, even talking with him about the lovely cool crisp autumn evening...you following me friends? Well, then it's the awkward moment when she doesn't know she was being watched and a real gentleman  walks over and asks to cut in, speaking to her make believe partner, causing the girl to feel a bit foolish by the whole thing...
Now the loud music that was playing, in her mind of course, seems to fade in the background. This gentleman leads her to a bench near by. As she sits down, a bit out of breath, he says to her, "Rest". "Oh, yes, of course", she replies, "I can sit for a bit." "No, he responds gently..."Rest." She feels a bit like a fish out of water, not quite sure what she should do.  As she catches her breath, she breaths in the air around her, she feels the cool breeze on her back, her body relaxes and she closes her eyes and listens.  She hear birds in the distance, the music still plays, but it is muted to just above a whisper. Moments later, she opens her eyes to find herself free to just sit and talk. Not in a rush or hurry and there is a renewed energy. He asks if she is ready to dance again, this time with Him as her partner. He will lead and she will follow His steps. Some of the steps will be familiar some new... and, He says, there will be always be moments of rest in the music, "sacred pauses"...she won't grow tired and weary and will lack no good thing. 

Open Eyes

Happy are those who are poor in spirit! Blessed are those who recognize their need...who see their "needs" not wants and desires or hopes with a 'spiritual' twist made to look like needs. Our true fundamental needs of food, clothing, shelter and...love. To be loved, to give love...we cannot love others unless we can first receive love.
In Haiti, my eyes so readily saw the need, great need! Stepping off the airplane into the piercing sunlight and humid air, the first thing I saw and smelled was garbage...garbage everywhere! Garbage piles, garbage strewn about, burning piles of garbage...they don't have the infrastructure in their country for something as simple as a waste disposal system. Going for a run this morning, in my neighborhood of white picket fences, perfectly manicured lawns, and hot air balloons, I was reminded of my silent prayer to the Lord... His eyes to see people as He sees them.

After spending a week in Haiti, I realized I didn't see the garbage on my way back to the airport, I was too busy looking into the eyes of the people, so desperately wanting to communicate without words, since I don't speak Creole, that Jesus loves them!
Three months later, settling back into my routine of school schedule, and a new season of "empty-nest, during the day Mamma"...I am challenged to see beyond my surroundings. Instead of noticing picket fences, matching mailboxes, or the brief "Hello" across friendly southern front porches,that would make anyone believe in Americana to the fullest!  I want  to look into eyes... and with or without words communicate Love...our most basic need. The need is the same.
Sometimes we are blinded by the the greatness of the need and sometimes we have to look past the surface to see the need. I want to live in a place of daily need, able to receive from the only real source, Jesus. This is the KINGDOM of heaven on earth, for today, the ultimate Peace...Shalom!

Beginnings and Ends

Call me sentimental. . .my days of dragging little ones to Target and Costco during the day have ended. I am shedding a small tear. Actually, I did stop and smile at few Mom's today as I was out leisurely browsing through the clearance racks with out a trail of popcorn following me! "Mom Target Shoppers", you know!

I watched my baby get on the bus with her two older siblings with out even a glance back. She was ready to begin her new adventure in formal education as those who have so fearlessly gone before. . .I am excited for her to mature in this way. As a Mom, no matter your season, there are those moments you look forward to as milestones of maturity, first tooth, first steps, first word and first day of school! Watching my children grow, I have relished each one of these milestones. My children have been given life and breath for another day, they grow and change, it's what they do. I honestly can't see a reason to be sorrowful of an amazing miracle and gift right before my eyes! I want to celebrate every first, not knowing when it will be the last. 

I was reminded of the children's book from Karen Kingsbury today, Let Me Hold You Longer.

It talks about remembering firsts, but how often do we celebrate lasts?. . .We don't, because we can't. . .we don't know when it's the last time we are asked to "tie a shoe", "hold a hand", or "push me on the swing". 

I desire to be a Mom who savors the firsts, and is present in every moment, counting the gifts! As my dear sister Anne Voscamp says. . ."In every moment, all is Grace"! 

Last year for them all of them at one school

As for what I did on my first day of "freedom". . .Well, I worked out, moped floors, did laundry. . .and when my ten year old daughter asked me to come to her school and have lunch with her and her fifth grade friends, of course, I said, "YES!" 

First Bus Ride

A Better Life

It's been one month since our return from Haiti and my heart is still so full from my short week spent there.  The people I met in the village and the dirt roads I walked on are not far from my thoughts. I shared a bit with you in my last post about a dear Haitian lady I had the privileged to meet who was dying of Cancer. I kissed her face with tears streaming down mine, to see her extreme suffering with no pain medication or relief from her tumor ridden body. She just had one of her breasts removed, the gaping wound was being held together with electrical tape. Oh Jesus, them memory is burned into my mind forever. She was twisting in pain on her bed with a small battery powered fan at her fevered head. Even so, joy and peace were on her face as we prayed for her. She lay on her bed in one of the brick homes recently built by Hope Force Int.* 

Houses of Hope is what they are called, so aptly named. We had the privilege of building some Houses of Hope while we were there. It was difficult work in the heat and humidity, probably the most I have ever sweat in my life! I was jobs I normally hate, painting! But, when you a presenting a home to a family who has been living in a tent for many months, some of them years, since the earthquake in 2010, the work takes on new meaning and energy. These families have endured the tropical climate of torrential wind and rains, extreme heat, dirt and mud floors with tarps covering sticks and rubble.  That small brick dwelling, about the size of my master bedroom, with adequate ventilation (surprisingly cool) and a sturdy roof overhead.  A House of Hope.

This is how sweet Mimose left this earth on Saturday, in her House of Hope, her earthly tent, her cancer ridden body, with friends and family sweetly singing hymns over her. Her children gathered around her, never to see there mom in pain again. No more tears. . no more suffering. Philippians 1:21 "For me to live is Christ, to die is gain".

After receiving this news from friends in Haiti of her Home-going. . .I was reading with my kids in morning devotions from 2 Corinthians 5:1-8 

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2 Meanwhile we groan,longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, 3 because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4 For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7 For we live by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

I take such a comfort in my earthly tents. . .my body my home address. I am thankful for a healthy body and a roof over my head, but often I obsess over them and give them so much more time and value than these "tents" deserve. This weekend we are taking a road trip to visit Todd's Grandma who will be turning 93. . .I know she will have a bit of perspective on her earthly tent! We look forward to probably our last visit with her before she is absent from her body and present with her Lord. 
Oh to live this life with our eternal dwelling always in view. To share hope, the only Hope the does not disappoint.  

Romans 5:4-5  we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

*the organisation we went with, based here in Franklin TN.

Home from Haiti

My body is physically home from our trip to Haiti last week, but I don't know if my heart will ever be. Some thing happens when you leave the comforts of home and are stretched beyond what you think possible.  To touch, see and experience poverty in ways you cannot explain with words.
I have seen, and I cannot be the same. . .

We were blessed by all the prayers for health and safety and  the unity of a wonderful team. My kids were beyond safe and well taken care of by my wonderful parents-in-love! We were free to give our full attention and all our energy the entire 8 days, holding nothing back! Thank you Jesus!!
  I boarded that plane not knowing exactly how I would be stretched in my physical body, but never really considering  the emotional and spiritual stretching that this trip would be. Haiti was extremely hot with little relief during the day.We traveled to the villages and walked the dusty red roads and hillsides. We rode in a cramped SUV on unpaved, potholed laden roads with sweaty team members.We visited orphanages and schools, to sing and perform skits and play games.  I was not prepared for what my eyes would encounter, let alone what my mind could process. Most of the time I kept pinching myself, I felt that I had walked onto the pages of a Compassion International magazine, it didn't even seem real.
Painting homes and digging ditches in the heat was beyond what I would have ever thought I could physically  do. Witnessing the joy on a Mother's face filled with gratitude for a home we roofed and painted. They would be the first family in the village,still ravaged from the earthquake 3 years ago, to have a real home. She had been living in a tarp make-shift shack, the size of my laundry room, with her 4 children.
Then, just next door to her and over the hill more families begging for a home for their family too. Would I not beg with the same desperation for my own children. . .I don't even think twice about where/if I will have a place of safety and comfort to sleep each night.
Tears ran down my face from exhaustion, holding another child on my lap desperate for the simple act of physical touch from a mother or father. How can I look into those eyes and not have my heart run liquid down my face. Praying for a woman dying of breast cancer, lying in her bed writhing in pain from having her breast removed and sent on her way with no pain medication. Her body now ravaged with tumors and infection. Kissing her face, reading Psalm 103 over her sweaty body. . ."He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He ransoms me from death and surrounds me with love and tender mercies". . . with flies buzzing around her as I hold onto the wall near me afraid I will collapse right there on the floor. Oh God, are you really enough? Are you good?. . .all the time? Do I trust your character?   Sweet Jesus, I had nothing to give, no medicine to dull the physical pain, no Mother for the four sweet children she may leave to care for themselves, not even enough bread to feed the hungry village children that would follow us around.
As I bent down to look into eyes, touch the sick and sit in the dust and dirt with them, I heard in my spirit, "DeAnne, you are touching with my hands, kissing with my lips, and holding with my arms. . ."Whatever you do unto the least of these, you are doing unto Me." (Matt 25:40) Can I really have nothing to give, yet have all I need to give in a place like Haiti? I kept thinking of the story told of the man who was on a beach tossing sand dollars into the water to save them from the hot noonday sun. He is asked by a passer by "Why bother?" The task is too great, it could never matter to spend his time doing such a daunting, never ending task.  To which he answered,"It matters to this one", as he tossed it into the sea.

The poverty in Haiti is overwhelming and it's just a small half island in the Caribbean. Can we build a home for all those sleeping in tents? No, but we can help one. We can say YES to what the Lord is asking of us, even if we think we have nothing, we truly have everything. My favorite blogger and author went to Haiti and then wrote these words, my heart echos with these thoughts as I return to my comfortable life in Franklin, TN.

Once we have seen the poor, we are responsible — we will make a response. As long as your heart is beating, there’s no such thing as unresponsive. We all look into the face of the poor and it’s either Yes, I will help. Or no, I won’t.

There’s no getting off the hook.

Faith cannot have a non-response.

We’re either responding with indifference or with intercession, either with apathy or aid.

You can’t look into the face of the poor and just plead the fifth amendment. Your life is always your answer.

( http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/07/the-1-thing-you-really-have-to-know-about-your-family

Spring ramblings

Tennessee days are warmin' up, I just drove past the pool to see the deck stocked with lounge chairs! The kids have two weeks left of school and it will officially be summer in our neck of the woods.

We are fixin' for lazy days and relaxing poolside for the next few months!

We just had a wonderful visit with my parents, as it was my Mom's 60th birthday and my Dad's first visit to TN! Dad helped me plant my first vegetable garden and we were able to take advantage of their time here by having a family photo shoot (see below)

It was a wonderful treat to have them here and we enjoyed our time immensely! We look forward to more visitors this summer. . . we would love to have ya'll come down, it is a beautiful part of the country. My Dad was even impressed with how green it was, it may not be that green if you come in July! But we have had our share of some good rain this spring, we'll see how long our grass stays green!

Todd and I  are preparing to leave in one month for Haiti. We know it is going to be hard work and HOT weather, definitely not a vacation, but we are excited to see how the Lord will use our team along with the work already going on, in this impoverished country. We covet your prayers for safety, health, and the work that we will do building homes, visiting schools, and being with the people. We go with great anticipation knowing the Lord will use us to minister HIS love to HIS people. Our desire is to be willing vessels he can use, to serve the least of these.

As I mentioned in my last post, the Lord is stirring up some things in my own heart this year with letting go of excess. This month, month five (of 7 from Jen Hatmaker's Book) our family is limiting our spending to only that which is "necessary". So basically, groceries, bills, etc. are the only places we will spend money this month. I am already seeing this will be hardest on me. . .no dining out, no Starbucks treats, no "extra thing I don't need on Target clearance end cap". . .I know, crazy huh!? I don't tell you this for you to think, "Wow, DeAnne is really spiritual!",quite the opposite really. I often spend my days on ME with a real sense of entitlement in regards to "stuff".  Saying no to my flesh in these areas is allowing me to see how much control they really have.

Last month our family "gave up" media. And when I say media,  I mean all TV, gaming devices  Pinterest, Facebook,etc. It was a revealing time for me and the kids especially. I realized how I numbly I pass the hours of my day with these distractions. My kids are have been so programmed to entertain themselves with gaming and TV they had forgotten how much  they loved playing together, creating and talking face to face. My son commented how much he enjoyed playing catch after school with me, more than his Wii! I was proud of the kids for taking the challenge this month with me, it was a sacrifice for them, and I think they really experienced the benefits of "unplugging" every once and a while.

As for me, It's a new thing to receive a Facebook email letting me know I have missed out on "important posts" and "pending notifications". . . .I know what I am really missing and that is valuable time with my children that I can never have back, moments with my husband to sit and chat in the evening instead of stare at a screen together, to just sit in quiet alone in the afternoon,  read a book to my almost kindergartner baby, listen to the birds in my backyard, talk to the Creator, Being present to the gift of now . . . that is what I miss out on.

If you don’t take it all as gifts, you end up taking it all for granted- A.V.

Anniversary's and Abundance

Hard to believe this is my one year update, as I write this morning my husband is having his one year review at work. One year ago, we were packing up our earthy belongings into a moving van and heading out cross country to a place we had never known or could even imagine what was in waiting on this side for our family.

Rewind five years this month, and my husband and I were sitting in a Doctors office, me nine months pregnant with our third, hearing those words no human ever wants to hear. . ."You have cancer, and need to begin treatment immediately".

Spring is a time of remembrance for our family. This year we celebrate one year in TN, 5 years free of cancer!! And, our sweet Sophia Renee turns five, as well. She is our reminder of the good that comes from difficult seasons. We are so blessed and I felt a strong need, to share today, that the Our Lord is good and faithful, all the time!

As I have shared in past posts, Franklin  TN is our home now. We have settled in quite well and love so many things about this wonderful part of the country, first off, being the people that live here. We have made many dear friends, some, even from the west cost. It seems a reoccurring theme that people migrate here and don't see any reason to leave. This area, (Nashville) is a real melting pot for folks all over the country. We love the Southern hospitality and how you never meet a stranger. We fit right into that culture.  I don't feel awkward anymore when the gal/guy who checks grocery's at my Publix asks about my day and what I am cooking up for dinner. . . and really wants to know! Or when the next door neighbors extended family is is town for a visit, and when we meet for the first time,they hug me like we are long lost relatives too!

I am ever mindful of the Lord's grace and abundance over our family. The beginning of this year I was prompted to begin looking hard at all the abundance around me, in my home especially. I was very challenged, maybe convicted is a better word, by the "excess" in my life. I have been blessed with so much, yet I have a constant desire for more. So, when I began reading "7" by Jen Hatmaker, I knew I needed to take the challenge to a personal level. Being "trapped in the machine of excess" seemed to be a fitting description of my days.  In short, she (Jen) takes seven things, one each month: food, clothing, possessions, spending, waste, media, and stress and looks for ways to eliminate the "excess in her life". I am finishing up month three, possessions, and it has challenged me and set me free of some of the ways I indulge in excess, but I know I still have a ways to go! In the middle of this challenge, Todd and I are looking forward to a trip to Haiti to see, learn, and experience, hands on, just how much we live in the land of abundance. I believe this is just the beginning of what the Lord wants to do in my heart this season.
Those who are "poor in spirit", who need God as they need their daily bread, those are the ones that know The Kingdom of Heaven. It's time for me to tear down the kingdom I have built in my own strength, my safety walls, and realize how desperate I really am, apart from the daily Grace of God.
 We have so much to be thankful for, and I try to be in that place of "thanks-living" daily. . .but at the same time I am challenged with those word from Luke 12:48, "To whom much is given, much will be required."

As we enter this season of spring, and we see flowers and trees begin to bloom again, I am thankful for the winter to be past, and times like today to celebrate LIFE. To reflect and remember the Anniversary's of the Lord's favor and goodness on our family. To look forward to the days ahead with excitement knowing that the Lord IS faithful and his love never fails! Psalm 23:6-"Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life". God's blessings don't pursue temporarily --- but relentlessly." A.V.

Happy Spring Y' ALL!